Two men dressed in Pilots' uniforms walk up the aisle of the plane.

Both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane.

Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up.

The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming.

The plane moves faster and faster down the runway and the people sitting in the window seats realize they're heading straight for the water at the edge of the airport.

As it begins to look as though the plane will plough into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin.

Just at that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all retreat into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands.

..... In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says, "You know, Bob, one of these days, they're gonna scream too late and we're all gonna bloody die."

A woman calls police to report a streaker.

On the scene, the woman (describing the streaker) tells the responding officer "He was a pilot and he was completely naked except for his shoes!"

The officer, confused, asked "If he was completely naked, how do you know he was a pilot?"

The woman responded "Because he had a big watch and a little johnson."

As the aircraft leveled off for cruise the captain turned on the PA system and makes the cabin call:

"Well ladies and gentlemen we have reached our cruising altitude and have turned off the fasten seat belt sign, please sit back and enjoy the flight....................man I sure could use a blow job and a cup of coffee!"

Back in the cabin, the stewardess realizes the pilots forgot to turn the PA off rushes forward to the cockpit.

As she runs through first class cabin one of the passengers shouts:

"Uh excuse me miss, I think you forgot the coffee!"

An airliner taxied out from the gate and pulled on to the runway. The passengers heard the engines go to full throttle and were preparing to start rolling when suddenly the engines were cut back and the plane turned around and taxied back to the gate.

They sat there for an hour and waited, then finally they were once again pushed back from the gate and taxied to the runway, rolled down it and took off.

Once they were in the air, one of the passengers asked a stewardess, "Miss, what was the delay? Was there some kind of problem."

"Oh," said the stewardess, "one of the pilots didn't like a sound coming from one of the engines. It took us awhile to find a new pilot."

An airliner taxied out from the gate and pulled on to the runway. The passengers heard the engines go to full throttle and were preparing to start rolling when suddenly the engines were cut back and the plane turned around and taxied back to the gate.

They sat there for an hour and waited, then finally they were once again pushed back from the gate and taxied to the runway, rolled down it and took off.

Once they were in the air, one of the passengers asked a stewardess, "Miss, what was the delay? Was there some kind of problem."

"Oh," said the stewardess, "one of the pilots didn't like a sound coming from one of the engines. It took us awhile to find a new pilot."

In honor of our UK jokester and this "two pilots" thread:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YEIB4baOSd8