Must have tools…. - Kawasaki KLR 650 Forum
Gadgets & Gizmos Discussion on the latest "toys" to enhance the adventure.

 
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post #1 of 9 Old 05-19-2011, 12:21 PM Thread Starter
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Must have tools….

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.



WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light . Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh--!'



SKIL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes , trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

SON-OF-A-BITCH TOOL: (A personal favorite!) Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a BITCH!' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

Hope you found this informative.
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post #2 of 9 Old 05-19-2011, 12:27 PM
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Made my day!



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post #3 of 9 Old 05-19-2011, 12:33 PM Thread Starter
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O I forgot the:
Tire Spoon… Made specially for adding small holes in rubber and large holes in skin.
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post #4 of 9 Old 05-19-2011, 01:08 PM
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I'll add one:

Dremel Tool: An inexpensive rotary grinding tool, primarily used by amateur gunsmiths to convert perfectly functioning firearms into non functional wall decorations. Can also be used to DEWAT motorcycle engine components. The tool's development is suspected to have been funded by professional gunsmiths who were hurting for business.




You know, the more i think about this list, I realize i have experience with just about every one of these. I wonder if the person who made this up is someone that knows me personally? Reminds me of a saying: Good judgement comes with experience, and most of that comes from bad judgement.

Dave

____________________________________________
2008 B-King - Bone stock

2007 KLR650 - Moab shock - Progressive springs 10wt oil - Happy Trails fork brace - Steel front brake line - ProTaper Evo - Acerbis Rally Pro guards - Uni Filter - KLX needle - De-Snorkled - Slide drilled - FMF Q4 - DooHickey done - Swingarm pivots drilled/tapped for grease Zerks - Custom (homebuilt) mount and Pelican 1450's.

Last edited by Pistoldave; 05-19-2011 at 03:51 PM.
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post #5 of 9 Old 05-19-2011, 01:26 PM
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"SON-OF-A-BITCH TOOL: (A personal favorite!) Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a BITCH!' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need."

this ....... i have several...........ha ...... nice post dude
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post #6 of 9 Old 05-19-2011, 03:49 PM Thread Starter
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BAL POINT PEN
A device that fits perfectly into the ergonomics of the human hand, also decorates the upper left pocket of shirt. Most commonly housed in a cup on the desk top, to be used at a moments notice, this device never works, however it is impossible for a human to discard this device, when the device dos not work, the device is returned to the cup for multiple attempts of working
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post #7 of 9 Old 05-19-2011, 08:47 PM
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I liked the hacksaw one. It's so true!!

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post #8 of 9 Old 05-20-2011, 08:14 AM
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Could not stop laughing. Did a cut and paste and sent off to all my buddies who like to putter with tools!!

byker
2008 KLR 650 (108,000 kilometers and rising)
1987 K100RS
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post #9 of 9 Old 05-20-2011, 12:35 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by byker View Post
Could not stop laughing. Did a cut and paste and sent off to all my buddies who like to putter with tools!!
Same here.


Very well done.
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