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post #1 of 20 Old 05-31-2013, 12:07 AM Thread Starter
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Husband And Wife

A guy and his wife had been married for about ten years and were raising a couple of kids. One night they were talking and the wife said, "You know, we've been married quite awhile, we've got the kids to think about and I think it's time we moved on to a different phase of our lives. Maybe you should think about selling your motorcycles, your guns and some of your tools and stuff and concentrating on our marriage, family and other things. You're middle-aged now, you know."

The guy looks over at her and says, "You know, you're starting to sound an awful lot like my ex-wife."

The woman starts glaring at him and yells, "Ex-wife??? You never told me you were married before!!!"

The guy looks at her again and says, "I wasn't."



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post #2 of 20 Old 05-31-2013, 07:56 AM
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lol, thanks for that
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post #3 of 20 Old 05-31-2013, 04:47 PM
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Mrs. Flash and I have been married over twenty years now. She is my second (and last), the first I refer to as my "starter wife".

Early in our marriage she was nagging me over something and I said "You know, I've already run one wife off for acting that way". Needless to say that was NOT my smartest moment and paid dearly for it.

Another time we were sitting around after a few beers and barbeque and she asks THE QUESTION...."Will you still love me if I get a big butt". I said "Hon, if you get bigger than the barn we'll just build a bigger barn". I thought this was purely an endearing comment on my part. She did not.

Be careful, be very careful.

Gray-haired riders don’t get that way from pure luck.

Unknown
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post #4 of 20 Old 05-31-2013, 07:25 PM
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If your wife/girlfriend asks you 'Honey, do these jeans make me look fat?' always just answer 'No dear!'. Never EVER complete the reply 'No dear, its not the jeans...'
jj

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post #5 of 20 Old 05-31-2013, 08:21 PM
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I think we are in our 38th year of togetherness and our 34th wedding anniversary is coming up in a couple of months.

It's taken me almost 40 years, but here's what I've figured out.

The right answer to most questions involving an action verb is "Yes, dear". That would be "Do you think we should...?", "Are you going to...", "Do you want to...", etc.

I've also discerned that if there is a flicker of doubt in your mind as to what the right answer is, then "I don't know" might get you by. It might also be inferred that you don't care, which is a Bad Thing™. Be prepared.

With respect to appearance issues, generally the right response is the opposite of what you think it is, so choose that one. This would be things like "Which one looks better, the blue or the...?" and "Does this make me look...?". You may go through the scene in the Princess Bride where Vizzini has to chose the wine that is not poisoned, but you'll muddle through.

If you think something is funny, keep it to yourself because it is not.

Develop some stock answers with a short script for those occasions when you're asked what you're thinking about. We know it's either food, sex, motorcycles or nothing, but play along. And never say "Nothing". While men can spend long periods thinking about nothing, women cannot, and absolutely cannot grasp the concept. To them "Nothing" means you're thinking about something you don't want to share, and that is a Bad Thing™.

You'll do pretty well if you follow these (though you won't hit 100% by a long shot) and if you resign yourself to the fact that you will almost always be wrong.

T

Tom [email protected]

“Neither of the two people in the room paid any attention to the way I came in, although only one of them was dead.” -Philip Marlowe

“'Why' and 'How' are words so important they cannot be too often used.” -Napoleon Bonaparte


Sting like a butterfly.

Last edited by Tom Schmitz; 05-31-2013 at 08:24 PM.
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post #6 of 20 Old 05-31-2013, 08:35 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tom Schmitz View Post

You'll do pretty well if you follow these (though you won't hit 100% by a long shot) and if you resign yourself to the fact that you will almost always be wrong.

T
If a tree falls in the forest......am I still wrong?

Gray-haired riders don’t get that way from pure luck.

Unknown
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post #7 of 20 Old 05-31-2013, 08:37 PM
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Wrong??!! Hell, flash, IT WAS YOUR FAULT!

And it was her favorite tree....

T

Tom [email protected]

“Neither of the two people in the room paid any attention to the way I came in, although only one of them was dead.” -Philip Marlowe

“'Why' and 'How' are words so important they cannot be too often used.” -Napoleon Bonaparte


Sting like a butterfly.
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post #8 of 20 Old 05-31-2013, 08:43 PM
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I tried this once......."Obviously my error was pointing out your error"

Didn't work either. Logic and reason have no place in marital discussion.

Gray-haired riders don’t get that way from pure luck.

Unknown
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post #9 of 20 Old 05-31-2013, 08:49 PM
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Magic words used to end an argument with a woman...."You're right, I'm sorry".
jj

It's not a Tractor....It's a LOCOMOTIVE!! Chugga Chugga
Woooo WOOOOO!!!!!
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post #10 of 20 Old 05-31-2013, 08:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by justjeff View Post
Magic words used to end an argument with a woman...."You're right, I'm sorry".
jj
+1 It has taken me way past my prime to accept that.

Gray-haired riders don’t get that way from pure luck.

Unknown
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