Purina Diet - Kawasaki KLR 650 Forum
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post #1 of 12 Old 12-21-2014, 12:12 PM Thread Starter
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Location: Chilliwack, BC, Canada
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Purina Diet

Yesterday I was at COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my neighbour’s dog, Hemi, the Stupid Wonder Dog
and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little
to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the
Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in
the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an
intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in
both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and the way that it
works is, to load your pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one
or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it
works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that
practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food
poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's
ass and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was
laughing so hard.

Costco won't let me shop there anymore.
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post #2 of 12 Old 12-21-2014, 12:41 PM
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I need a new keyboard, and coffee is coming out of my nose...

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post #3 of 12 Old 12-21-2014, 01:04 PM Thread Starter
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It's even funnier from this end, Tom. If you knew my friend Jeannie, who sent that, you'd also wonder if it was a true story. 50/50, I'd say. :-)


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I need a new keyboard, and coffee is coming out of my nose...

Tom
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post #4 of 12 Old 12-21-2014, 06:35 PM
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I've read this one before - and I still laugh at it!!!

http://i63.photobucket.com/albums/h157/acidman1968/avatars/vendetta-4.jpg
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post #5 of 12 Old 12-21-2014, 06:38 PM Thread Starter
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The friend who sent it is an ex-army officer, hard as nails, with a heart of gold. It is so much in character for her that I really have no way to tell whether its a true story or not. ;-)
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post #6 of 12 Old 12-22-2014, 06:49 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by normk View Post
yesterday i was at costco buying a large bag of purina dog chow for my neighbour’s dog, hemi, the stupid wonder dog
and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if i had a dog.

What did she think i had, an elephant? So since i'm retired and have little
to do, on impulse i told her that no, i didn't have a dog, i was starting the
purina diet again. I added that i probably shouldn't, because i ended up in
the hospital last time, but that i'd lost 50 pounds before i awakened in an
intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and ivs in
both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and the way that it
works is, to load your pockets with purina nuggets and simply eat one
or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it
works well and i was going to try it again. (i have to mention here that
practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

horrified, she asked if i ended up in intensive care, because the dog food
poisoned me. I told her no, i stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's
ass and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was
laughing so hard.

Costco won't let me shop there anymore.
have you ever thought about seeing someone? Help is out there you know? Too bad you don't have obamacare.

“Take the risk of thinking for yourself , much more happiness , truth, beauty, and wisdom will come to you that way.” Hitchens
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post #7 of 12 Old 12-22-2014, 07:59 PM Thread Starter
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Actually, I have been receiving counselling on line from a very attractive and intelligent blonde lady. I can ask if she is willing to list your failings and errors.



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Originally Posted by Toney View Post
have you ever thought about seeing someone? Help is out there you know? Too bad you don't have obamacare.
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post #8 of 12 Old 12-22-2014, 08:03 PM
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Dog food and canned human food are not that far apart.


Crash
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post #9 of 12 Old 12-22-2014, 11:10 PM
Pretty in Pink, dunno why
 
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Ever wonder how long it has been since anything in a can of Dinty Moore was alive?

It's good, though.

Tom

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“She went out slowly. The way she did it hadn’t been learned at business college.” -Philip Marlowe

“'Why' and 'How' are words so important they cannot be too often used.” -Napoleon Bonaparte


Sting like a butterfly.
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post #10 of 12 Old 12-23-2014, 04:22 AM
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